By Joe Moskwa
I’d like to thank the New Orleans Saints for covering on Monday Night and getting me over the .500-mark. 8-7 for Week 14 puts me at 112-90 for the season. Lucky for ME, I don’t bet on EVERY SINGLE GAME every week. I’d just be spinning my wheels. With that being said, I’m going to do a little something to the picks this week. I’m still going to make ALL the picks, but to perhaps add a little credibility to my name, I’m going to highlight the games that I WOULD actually put a little something on, and I’ll have a separate record for those on the side. We’ll call these picks my preferred picks.
On a side note, this time of year can be tough on me. About half the games aren’t even worth watching anymore. There are primetime games that are garbage (see this Thursday). Fantasy Football is USUALLY gone. However I’m in two MASSIVE final-fours right now, so I’m pumped. (Thank you Jamal Lewis and Larry Fitzgerald). So what I plan to do this week to enjoy one of the last few regular season weeks we have left (because let’s face it, it’s all about the regular season. It is. Trust me), is to REALLY lay it all on the line. We’re talking beers, vodkas, extra side dishes, marinating the bbq meats just a little bit longer before cooking, and staying out EXTRA late on Monday nights. Ask my wife how she felt about me crashing at 3am a couple nights ago. On a Monday. Like I’m some college kid or something. Work on Tuesday? HA! Right. I’ll see ya there. Just keep waiting if I’m not on time. Well, the point is… who’s with me? Anyone? Guys there are only three weeks left! Call me. Email me. I’ll show ya what it’s all about.
Time for the picks!

Thursday Night

Denver Broncos (6-7) at Houston Texans (6-7) – Broncs giving 1.5

Dude, there’s a HUGE bash this Saturday night, and I called your boss, got you the night off, and we’re GOIN. Really?? Yeah!! And get THIS. It’s a Dungeons and Dragons party, we got a keg of Mountain Dew, a platter of soy-sprout subs (on ‘I can’t believe it’s not bread’ bread), and a DVD set of Bosom Buddies season II for when we take breaks. PLUS – no girls allowed because we don’t want them seeing us looking at the 2008 Former-First Wives Swimsuit Calendar. I heard Nancy Reagan really crosses a line on the April page.
The above conversation is 100% equivalent to THIS conversation:

Dude, there’s NFL football this THURSDAY!
Really??
Yeah!!
Dude, it’s Broncos-Texans! **awkward silence**
Ummm.
Alright. So House is still on right?
Yeah I think so.
I hope it’s not a rerun. Well, even if it IS a rerun…

PICK: Texans. They’ll bring it. What’s “it” you ask? Who cares?

Saturday Night Football

Cincinnati Bengals (5-8) at San Francisco 49ers (3-10) – B’gals giving 8.5

I can see where the NFL was going when they set this one up before the season started. They actually did a good job, considering. Should I start Carson Palmer or Kurt Warner this week in a playoff that only counts yards and TDs? No penalties for INTs. Probably Kurt. I’m still undecided though. Joe Montana gave the Niners about a 30-year free pass to just coast by and suck, so I can see Carson tossing two or three TDs. I’m open to feedback here guys. Spill it.

PICK: Bengals. By about 13.

Sunday
Arizona Cardinals (6-7) at New Orleans Saints (6-7) – Cards getting 3.5

My opponent this week has Drew Brees. Should I start Kurt to compete Drew in a shootout? Should I start David Patten to offset his Coltson? I’m a high seed and I’m facing a low seed that’s gotten red-hot and squeaked in. He’s actually favored now. Throwing fantasy football aside because even without it I’m surely going to tune in here. I’ll get to watch two teams from different conferences fight out a hanging-from-a-playoff-thread battle – with PASSING. Cards don’t even think about Edge around the goal line, they throw it in. Same with the Saints. All throws around there. I love it. I bet this game goes three and a half hours. That’s longer than my first date.

PICK: ‘Aints –3.5. They pick one off and take it back.
Atlanta Falcons (3-10) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-5) – Dead Birds getting 13.5

Oh God. Seriously. Did you know that one out of every two women will suffer a fracture during their life due to osteoperosis? And if they are post-menopausal, the risk doubles? Did you also know that the last two sentences I just typed are probably more interesting than this game? Don’t watch this game. For the life of you.

PICK: Bucs giving the points in every way, shape and form. PREFERRED PICK

Baltimore Ravens (4-9) at Miami Dolphins (0-13) – Phish getting 4.5

What would get more ratings nationally? Dolphins versus Ravens, or a marathon of That’s so Raven? Also, why are there SO many teams in the NFL named after birds? It’s FOOTBALL, not field hockey or knitting. The Seahawks, Ravens, Cardinals, Eagles, and Falcons should all consider re-naming their teams after something that has something more bite than a beak. Teeth should be the constant. It’s that simple. As for the ‘Phins, you guys are now named the Miami Minnows until you win a game. Win one, and you can be the Miami Sharks. (Thank you, Any Given Sunday.) Side note: Ravens Defense or Buccaneers Defense (hosting Falconettes) for fantasy playoffs this weekend?

PICK: Puh-lease. Poe’s Boys giving the 4.5. PREFERRED PICK

Buffalo Bills (7-6) at Cleveland Browns (8-5) – Browns by 6.5

Yes, yes, YES! If you knew when and where I grew up, you’d know how pumped I’d be about this one. I’d almost pay to banish the Colts and Patriots to the Mars Football League, just to even some things out. These two teams are quietly having solid seasons and I’m loving it. I’d probably actually GO to this game, but there’s some birthday/Mountain Dew/pretend-meat sandwich party I have to attend, so traveling is out of the question. If anyone likes the Bills or Browns, come over this Sunday. It’ll be on the main TV.

PICK: Take the points. It’s gonna be a fight. Bills +6.5. PREFERRED PICK

Green Bay Packers (11-2) at St. Louis Rams (3-10) – Pack by 10.5

Sometimes it seems like some of these teams just mess around on Sunday. No game plan, no motivation. Sometimes they play down to their opponents. The Pack doesn’t do that. The Rams looked like they were improving, and then their offense doesn’t score a single TD against the Bengals last week. Take the Pack here by two TDs.

PICK: Cheeseheads minus the double-digits.
Jacksonville Jaguars (9-4) at Pittsburgh Steelers (9-4) – Iron City giving 4.5

I have a feeling I can turn this game on with about a minute to go and the score is going to be something like 2-2. I’ll tune in around overtime. And do the Jags have a tough schedule or what? They always seem to be playing the Colts or Chargers or Steelers or something. And they’re 9-4. Maybe some of the other franchises should dump their teams and start over as expansion teams? **cough, cough** Lions. **cough**

PICK: Jags and the +4.5.
New York Jets (3-10) at New England Patriots (13-0) – Biplanes getting 24.5

I’ve never seen spreads like these in the NFL before. Ever. 17 used to be HUGE. 24? Are you kidding me? How do you bet this? Every time the Pats give a ton, they end up winning by three. Every time they give about 10 or so, they win by 40. Since the Pats seem to able to do whatever they want, how am I supposed to know how much they basically will decide to win by? They are sick. I’ll have to go Pats here, since the Jets only have one play that works, it’s a counter to #29 Washington. That’s it.

PICK: Pats giving the nearly a quarter century, –24.5.
Seattle Seahawks (9-4) at Carolina Panthers (5-8) – Black cats getting 7.5

Coach Tomato-Head and his Seahawks are slowly and quietly heating up. What are they going to do with Shawn Alexander next year? Maurice Morris is the better fit.

As for the Panthers, if you guys had ANYTHING worth watching, I’d probably know if you guys were in North Carolina or South Carolina. (Yeah, I couldn’t even guess).

PICK: ‘Hawks minus the touchdown and change.
Tennessee Titans (7-6) at Kansas City Chiefs (4-9) – Chefs getting 3.5

Titans. Ouch. Rough last week. Someone forgot to tell you that THIS was the week that you’d only have to play 3 quarters to win.

PICK: Thumbtacks –3.5.
Indianapolis Colts (11-2) at Oakland Raiders (4-9) – Horsies giving 11.5

BLOWOUT. Next?

PICK: Colts –11.5. PREFERRED PICK

Detroit Lions (6-7) at San Diego Chargers (8-5) – Kitties getting 11.5

Maybe when John Kitna predicted 10 wins this year, he was counting the exhibition games too. (Not that it would have helped.) And the game last week against the Cowboys was CLASSIC Lions. That huge deflation will result in the Chargers being up 14-0 early and never looking back this Sunday. This is a horrible mismatch. My only concern is that my boy LT won’t score as much as usual for me this week, as Gates looks primed for a huge game. This is gonna be bad. Forget the spread, I would give 16 on this one.

PICK: Take the Bolts and give the points. PREFERRED PICK

Philadelphia Eagles (5-8) at Dallas Cowboys (12-1) – Iggles getting 10.5

Think the Cowboys are going to screw around again Sunday? T.O. will show up with a couple of his uncovered, all-alone, not-a-defender-in-sight touchdowns. I can’t wait to watch these guys in the Super Bowl this year. And not just because of the cheerleaders.

PICK: ‘Boys minus the 10.5.
Sunday Night Football
Washington Redskins (6-7) at New York Giants (9-4) – Racial slurs getting 4.5

The Giants seem to be escaping their slump, and they have a job to do this weekend. I expect them to take care of business while the Skins sit around and decide if they are supposed to be good or not this year. I still have no clue.

PICK: G-Men giving the points.
Monday Night Football
Chicago Bears (5-8) at Minnesota Vikings (7-6) – Teddy bears getting 9.5

Hey Bears. Weren’t you just in the Super Bowl last year? Or did I dream that? Nice job guys. How do you get away with just playing every OTHER season? This is a primetime division game, which would indicate taking the points, however the Vikes control their destiny and will take notes like the Pack – and NOT mess around. They win by 10. Yager-bombs on the house for every time Adrian Peterson does that videogame “high-step”.

PICK: Vikes giving.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 14th, 2007 at 2:23 am and is filed under Gambling, Joe Moskwa, NFL, Sports Betting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.