By Joe Moskwa
I owe you guys a video game article. The last time I was here I talked about a new game I’m getting addicted to. Now I’m wondering something – if I write more than a couple paragraphs about a game, that probably makes me a Trekkie or something. I’ll probably just end up rambling on and on about all you 37 year olds that wait outside toy stores at midnight for the new Madden or Halo games. How do those of you with wives and kids pull that off?
Ok. I am sort of a geek. I still have all my original Nintendo games from about 20 years ago. When they all stopped working a while back, I discovered that Nintendo re-made a bunch of the chips that are inside the actual game box. I bought one online, took the box apart, and put the new chip in. This chip is that same thing the game cartridge locked into. I’m sure some of you have bought game cleaners for the games or even blown into the game or the game box. Well, that wasn’t really doing much. The natural wear and tear on the chip made the stoppage of play inevitable. Now with the new chip? It’s like I have a brand new Nintendo. Ice Hockey, Blades of Steel, Bases Loaded, Contra, and Golf work perfect now. And there are dozens of other forgotten classics like these…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um-GMygsRg4[/youtube]
But don’t get me wrong. I don’t actually sit around and play these games. I don’t. I usually just wait around for the perfect situation to bust it out. It’s like the tide coming in on the night of a full moon. It’s gotta be one of those times where one or two old Nintendo-heads happen to be at my house. The kids are asleep, we’ve all had a few beers, and the wives for whatever reason aren’t giving us too much flack. So out it comes and it usually ends up being Super Tecmo Bowl. In my opinion, this is the game that really stepped it up and made the first REAL football game. And – this is debatable – the game is still fun to play. If anyone wants a shot at the title? Email me. I’d be glad to take Warren Moon or Thurman Thomas and crush you. Seriously. I’d pay 20 bucks cash to anyone that can take me 2-out-of-3 in what might be the BEST video game ever made.
I did end up playing a new game though. A brand new one. With some younger friends. I am now addicted to Rock Band on X-Box. It’s like Guitar Hero, but you also now have a set of drums and a singer. The little punks that have the game don’t even like rock music. However they recognize some of the songs and it’s a blast, especially for a rocker like me. I think we’re playing it this Sunday night. I’ll have a 12-pack downed in two hours of this nonsense. I get to play a guitar to the same notes that Keith Richards once played and sing note-for-note to a Kurt Cobain or Scott Weiland song. I didn’t even need to read the words on Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So“.
Editor’s note: I’m nearly 35 years old and I still love video games. However, this whole Rock Band-Guitar Hero-thing is beyond me. Maybe I’m a little like Stan Marsh. Normally that’s not something to be proud of, but in this case…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpMOOScwMiw&feature=related[/youtube]
Oh, and Joe officially had his “rocker†card revoked.
Alright. That’s all I can handle on writing about video games. Before I go, I do want to say that I have something else I’m going to talk about next week. I used to work in an office, and I perfected ONE thing in an eight-year span. It’s the solitary thing I miss now that I’m not an office guy anymore. It’s doing very subtle and untraceable things to drive co-workers INSANE. I’ll give you some tips next week to help you make your office job much more interesting. Well, after I give you the granddaddy of them all today.
This should keep you occupied for about a week. This is a priceless and timeless office prank that I thought of and perfected over the years. And if you think you’ve done this before me or seen it before, fine. But I’m claiming this as some of my best work.
Here’s how you do it. (Well, if you have someone you’d like to send to the nut house.) All you need is a very small piece of scotch tape. We’re talking smaller than a square centimeter. You need scissors to cut it this small. How can something so small create so much chaos you ask? Here’s how: you unplug the target’s desk phone from the handset or the base, either/or. You place that little piece of tape onto that tiny little plastic square that plugs back in, and then jam it back in. It will appear to be plugged in, however the connection is now blocked. The phone will still ring, and your office pal will be able to hear what is being said on the other end, but the caller will not be able to hear your victim. Laugh as your pal shouts louder and louder into the phone to be heard. It’s a 100% guarantee that you will hear these exact words: “CAN YOU HEAR ME?? HELLLOOOO!!!!”
Other potential outcomes: phone slamming, yelling, hair being pulled out, phones being taken apart, tech and/or I.T. guys coming by, teams of people trying to “fix” the problem, whole phone units being replaces, etc.
Try this. Enjoy it. Let me know how it works out for you. Be glad I gave you this morsel up front. This should be the taste that brings you back next week to hear about the other 98 ways to drive office buddies insane.
Have a rockin’ weekend.
Still checking in on Canon Fodder regularly? Have you been spreading the word? It’s not hard. Copy the link and just drop it into an occasional email. It’s okay. Your friends will thank you.
Have a question or rude comment? Send them straight to Joe at joe@canon-fodder.com.
Don’t worry, Joe, I’m totally with you on the Guitar Hero/Rock Band thing. I was totally skeptical and figured it was for a bunch of loser kids in their basements who don’t have enough talent to pick up a real guitar! And you know what, I was right, if you are a teenager playing this in your basement all night, you are a loser. But for us old guys over 25, we’re already losers no matter what, so we can just enjoy it for what it is, nostalgia. I love how 80 percent of the music is from when I was in high school. And where rock band really kills Guitar Hero is with the microphone. It’s just like singing along with your favorite songs in the car, plus the game tells you how much you suck (just like my wife). Except if you put it on Easy mode, then you can totally butcher the song, and you still get a high score! That’s the best, just screaming into the mic and getting cheered for it. Luckily I don’t own either of these games (they don’t make them for old Xbox, thank God), or I don’t think I would stop playing til six in tha mornin. No, I have to go to a friend’s house to play, where his wife will kick me out if I overstay my welcome. I guess I will never be a Rock Star or a Guitar Hero, but it’s fun to pretend sometimes.
By the way, the South Park Guitar Queer-o episode was a classic. How does that show keep getting funnier after over 10 years?