By Jeffrey Petts
Busy, busy, busy. If it’s not one thing, it’s another that has been keeping me away from my beloved Canon Fodder. Well it’s just passed 7 a.m. and I’m watching Major League Baseball live from Japan. It must be Opening Day!
Actually, today is not Opening Day. It’s the day after Opening Day because I had the pleasure of serving jury duty on Opening Day. You see, I don’t have a normal job anymore. On a typical day, I don’t roll out of bed until my daughter wakes up around 8 or 8:30. But on the morning of Opening Day, the Macomb County Clerk saw fit to demand my presence before I normally awaken. On the same day baseball season begins. What are the frickin’ chances? So a day later, I’m watching the Boston Red Sox against the Oakland Athletics from the Tokyo Dome in Japan.
Frankly, I’m not a fan of “starting†the baseball season five days before the other twenty-eight teams leave spring training. Sure, MLB is trying to promote baseball as an international game, but Opening Day is sacred to the baseballphiles like me. To begin the season with a 6:05 a.m. first pitch on a weekday is great way to have your diehard fans asking, “Baseball season began today?†as they stroll into the office. This is probably the biggest reason why you’re not being treated to an elaborate baseball season preview today. In all honesty, Opening Day snuck up on me too!
But I’m not here this morning to complain. I’m up. The game is on. It’s time to celebrate the national pastime. To do so, I’m offering up five things you need to know as this season begins.
The Steroid Scandal isn’t going away – More testing. More scrutiny. None of it will matter because they’re still juicing. Even with Barry Bonds’ court issues being postponed, there are still plenty of hidden secrets yet to come to light. The worst is probably ahead of us as fans, but it the end will likely arrive more quickly than we realize. Why? Because we’re so tired of this scandal that fans are ready to turn on their favorite icons. If that’s the case, MLB can act decisively to rid the game of these nefarious cheaters.
Bonds and Clemens are going away – The MLBPA can search all they want, Barry did this to himself, and then Ol’ Roger jumped into the same boat. They both have legal issues to deal with, but at least their collective playing days are nearing an end. Good riddance.
The Red Sox are killing George Steinbrenner – No joking here. Though I’m a proud Yankee hater, I bear no ill will towards The Boss. His failing health is tragic and I only hope the best for him and his family. In this particular case, that means I’ll be rooting against the BoSox this season. Why? Because if the boys from Beantown win the World Series again, I think George will give up the ghost. Seriously. Between the likelihood of the New York Yankees missing the postseason and the solid chance the Red Sox have to repeat as champions, I think George Steinbrenner is a lock to fill the vacancy left by Pope John Paul II in every office death pool. (And for the real conspiracy nuts out there… Do you think Hank and Hal Steinbrenner recognized the correlation between Pinstripe success and their father’s health before they took a pass on Johan Santana?)
While I can’t bring myself to pull for the Evil Empire, I can wish bad things upon the Sox for the sake of an ailing man. The fact that the Red Sox are considered by many pundits to be the main obstacle in the way of my beloved Detroit Tigers is purely a coincidence. There’s absolutely no hometown bias involved. None whatsoever.
(Go Tigers.)
The San Diego Padres are killing SoCal baseball – If my adopted West Coast team keeps this up, my wake will be in the room right next door to Georgie’s. The Friars are boasting the best pitching staff in baseball in the most pitcher-friendly park in the league. So how do they fill the whole center field? With a thirty-seven year old with a bat prowess aging faster than a picture of Dorian Gray. Edmonds won’t be able to do stuff like this with a big fork sticking out of his back:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxnDc1N-PBE[/youtube]
A little hint for Padres management: When most of the videos you are using for scouting a potential player are tributes on YouTube, that’s a good sign you’re player to-be is cooked.
Between Edmonds in center, a pitcher’s best friend calling the game, and the best spring training hitter being sent to the minors, my Padre-heavy fantasy team and me are waiting with bated breath for the Pads baseball.
The American League Central will be the cream of 2008 – Though it’s hard to ever completely write off the Yankees as a contender, it’s the Baltimore Orioles and Tampa Bay Rays that drag the entire AL East down. The Anaheim Angels should run away with the West. Washington and Florida will vie for the worst record in baseball eliminating the NL East. The NL Central is just plain awful. (Their best team is the Cubs. Yes, the Cubs!) The NL West? Those teams have more holes than Barry Bonds’ gluteus maximus. The AL Central wins by default as the Twinkies will be bad, but never that bad. Kansas City won’t suck so royally as in recent years. The Pale Hose will improve on a disastrous ’07 campaign leaving the Tiggies and Tribe to battle it out for supremacy.
And there you are; five things you can watch for during the 2008 baseball season.
Have a sports-related question, comment, grievance, anecdote, haiku or limerick you would like to share? E-mail them to me here at jeff@canon-fodder.com. Otherwise, keep checking back with us and passing Canon Fodder to friends, family and anyone else with the ability to click a mouse and read.