Ichiro. Iguchi. Iwamura. Igawa. Matsui. Matsuzaka. There’s an unmistakable Japanese influence permeating Major League Baseball. Canon Fodder would like to extend a hearty konnichiwa to our friends from the Land of the Rising Sun by offering up a rice bowl of haikus to give you a glimpse of what to expect this coming baseball season.
AL West
Two-city Angels
win division for Arte.
Then A-Rod next year.
Beane oft criticized –
Moneyball overrated.
Should have paid Zito.
Strong start in April.
Seattle fans given hope,
then Mariners fade.
Big Teix on the block
but Sosa lands a contract.
Ranger wheels come off.
AL Central
Humbled by last year
Guillen rekindles pale hose.
ChiSox win pennant.
Upgrade with Sheffield.
Motown kitties still learning.
This year a setback.
Sizemore and Hafner
lead big Wahoo offense.
Too bad, no pitching.
Santana’s a horse,
But Liriano is hurt.
Twinkies back next year.
Full-fledged youth movement.
Some things never really change.
Royalty ignored.
AL East
Frickin’ huge payroll
buys at least ninety-five wins.
Much hate for Yankees.
Dice-K and J.D.
Payroll one-sixty million.
Wildcard Boston Yanks.
Awful exchange rate.
Colour of cash not as green.
Jays in troisieme.
Angelos meddles.
Orioles out by August,
Golf in October.
“Devil†name no more.
Younger Rays finally play.
Tampa Bay remains worst.
NL West
The Pads signed Maddux,
Brother Giles bolsters S.D.
In Peavy they trust.
Schmidt carried Giants.
Years of overuse catch up.
Dodger dog on mound.
Humidor baseballs
lead to a Rocky surprise;
Colorado third.
Randy Johnson’s back
but the lefty’s no Atlas –
D’backs weigh too much.
Barry Bonds circus
proves a Giant distraction.
7-5-5 lurks.
NL Central
Roger’s long gone.
Astros move on without him,
top the division.
Ben Sheets wins “Comebackâ€,
Brewers sausage race ‘til end.
Milwaukee wildcard.
Caught celebrating
unexpected World Series.
Hangover kills Cards.
Young arms develop.
Pirates finally improve.
Hitters disappoint.
Homers in Cincy:
Both Bailey and four-sackers.
Struggling in fifth.
Ninety-nine year drought.
Goat curse continues its streak.
The lovable Cubs.
NL East
Home of Balboa
celebrates Phillies title;
World Series darkhorse.
Glavine’s three-hundredth
gets Tommy to Cooperstown
but no Mets playoffs.
Marlins improving.
Oh-six was a step forward;
Oh-seven’s one more.
Braves streak reaches two.
Andruw leaves at the deadline.
New streak in oh-eight.
Lowly Nationals:
‘Spos boasted a cupboard full.
Now talent bereft.
Well there’s three hours of my life I’m not getting back. I hope our Japanese imports appreciate the hatchet job I performed on one of their most honored forms of expression. This post probably killed any chance I had at becoming poet laureate.
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Check back in tomorrow for Part IV of our continuing Baseball Preview.
Sayounara. Mata ashita.
[...] So there you are; five bet-your-house locks you can take to Vegas. While you’re there, put a fin for me on the Detroit Tigers to take the AL Central. The White Sox (my preseason pick) are long gone and forgotten. The Twinkies have scoring issues and I’m just not sold on Cleveland’s pitching staff down the stretch so hand the division crown to the Bengals and let’s get ready for the post-season. [...]
[...] And while I’m tooting my own horn of prognostication, remember this article from back in March? Let’s give it a quick once-over to see how I came through on my haiku predictions. [...]