Canon Fodder – Sports Blog

I’m not sure where it started. Maybe with camping. It’s possible one of those climb Mt. Everest shows were the catalyst for the movement. I believe people got turned on to this when that documentary guy got eaten by the bear. (Getting devoured by a grizzly bear added a sporting dimension to the equation and certainly piqued my interest.) Regardless of how it began, the survivalist movement is here and living large on all those sciency-educational channels hardly anyone ever watches.

 

My first experience with the genre was Les Stroud and his show Survivorman. The gimmick is to drop Stroud in the middle of some remote environment and watch him spend a week trying to survive and make his way back to civilization. Here’s a clip:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=V9DHMprUWkQ[/youtube]

 

 

Pretty interesting stuff. Les Stroud is a bit on the serious side and should probably take a few lessons from fellow Discovery Channel icon Mike Rowe on how to look like he actually enjoys his chosen profession. (**cue the obligatory funny clip of Rowe at his zaniest**)

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=xW_sQgeSdmg[/youtube]

 

 

Getting back to the survivalist stuff…

 

So Stroud was the resident hardcore I’ll-make-it-out-nowhere-guy on Discovery. A half-hour show every week. The occasional mini-marathon. Truly devoted fans could click over to The Science Channel and watch hour-long airings of Survivorman. Geeky outdoor-types rejoiced.

 

But then The Discovery Channel upped the ante. Stroud had competition. Competition so stiff it knocked Survivorman clean off the network. Bear Grylls has taken the genre by storm.

 

Take Survivorman, throw in The Crocodile Hunter’s foreign accent and nervy animal antics with a dash of Fear Factor and you’ve got yourself the recipe for Man vs. Wild.

 

The key difference between Stroud’s and Grylls’ approach has to do with self-preservation. Stroud has a strong sense of it. Grylls seemingly doesn’t.

 

Both men have eaten bugs and slept in makeshift huts – typical fodder for survivalist programs – and both point out the pitfalls of doing dangerous maneuvers. Say they both come across a slick waterfall. Stroud will typically look it over and explain how idiotic it would be to attempt navigating the dangerous rock face with icy water tumbling down upon you. He would then advise circumnavigating the area. Grylls would also espouse the inherent dangers. Then he would go and scale it to illustrate just how perilous such an idiotic decision would be. (He talks as though you or I should attempt this if given the chance and fighting for our very survival.) Watch for yourself.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=SA3wSUQJgxI[/youtube]

 

 

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. A huge portion of the show is about Bear’s diet when a McDonalds can’t be found. Poisonous spider? Yummy.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=G9H1CRUeJuE[/youtube]

 

 

A dead sheep’s eyeball cooked in a pool of bubbling volcano water? Okay.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=238P46GqfXI[/youtube]

 

 

The rotting flesh of a picked-over zebra? Uh, sure.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=qdkX7KG-tlg[/youtube]

 

 

Maggots off a rotting carcass? Please don’t.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=dioAXVkdgO4[/youtube]

 

 

But when in the wild, any survivalist will tell you it’s not hunger that does you in; it’s a lack of water that brings down the toughest of men. When under extreme conditions, survivalists are forced to do extreme things.

 

Uh-oh.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kotNQOYFxkw&NR=1[/youtube]

 

 

I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever to go that length to survive, but I certainly wouldn’t do it for a show on a second-rate cable network. Bear wasn’t even in the bush for more than a few hours when he fished himself out and ‘replenished’ his canteen. Jeez, go a day or two. Build up some tension. It was almost as if he were eager to try it. And then he spent the next five minutes of the show retelling viewers how he staved off dehydration by doing the unmentionable.

 

(I had a friend catch this same episode and offer up a joke about the cameraman filming this while enjoying a Capri Sun. “You’re hardcore, Bear. **slurp, slurp**”)

 

As if all this wasn’t enough, Man vs. Wild took survival television to a place I didn’t even know was possible. If you’re telling me this is one of the few places to find water on the African Savannah, well, let’s just say I’ll be sure to carry an extra canteen or three if I’m ever there.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=YMQ75Eu06tc[/youtube]

 

 

Well, I’m thirsty.

 

So why a whole Canon Fodder on this? Because the Grylls and Strouds of the world are competitors on par with those we more commonly think of as ‘athletes’. If a professional baseball player is just a grown man taking a child’s game to the extreme, then these survivalists are the MVPs of camping. They don’t do it out of necessity. It’s a passion. A pastime taken to absurdity.

 

But I don’t care how deep the competitive streak in me runs, there’s no way I’m squeezing the juices from an elephant turd just because I’m a bit parched. And that’s probably why I’ll never be anything more than an armchair camper.

 

Like what you’re reading so far? Pass Canon Fodder on to friends, family and any budding survivalists you know. Have a question, comment or complaint? Drop me an e-mail at jeff@canon-fodder.com.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 20th, 2007 at 8:40 am and is filed under Canon Fodder, Hunting, Jeffrey Petts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.