Canon Fodder – Sports Blog

By Joe Moskwa

(Editor’s note: Have you noticed the lack of articles lately? Judging from the amount of e-mail I’ve received voicing concern for Canon Fodder, it’s nice to know SOMEBODY has been reading what we turn out. We’ve been tussling with the idea of expanding CF by bringing on new writers to round-out the content and offer material on a more consistent basis. First up: Joe Moskwa and something we’ll tentatively title The Gambler’s Corner. Don’t like the name? Offer up a better one and we’ll probably use it. Until then, enjoy Joe’s first crack at Canon Fodder.)

Here are my picks ATS (Against the Spread) for the NFL week #9. I’m a little down this year; I’m documented at 68-48 so far. But subpar considering that the last 2 weeks I’m 14-0 and 8-5.

Here’s what I got for this big and important Week 9 :

Arizona Cardinals (3-4) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-4) – Bucs by 3.5

I’m not missing this game. Gimme a cold one and I’ll watch Kurt toss it up to Fitz and Boldin all day long. It’ll be a nice tune-up before the BIG one at 4:15PM EST. Edge slamming across the goalline. Galloway the 36-year old rocket playing like he’s 25. Garcia playing like he’s a 49er again. (He doesn’t LOOK like Richard Simmons’ voice-double when he’s on the football field though… I’ll never figure that one out.) This one will come down to a Bucs win by 3 or a Cards win by 4. I expect a TD pass from deal-a-meal to Galloway. The difference will be a late drive by Kurt ending in an interception or TD.

Pick: Arizona +3.5

Cincinnati Bengals (2-5) at Buffalo Bills (3-4) – Cincy by 1.5

The Bengals NEEED a win and they’re going to get it. I’ll be happy to start Carson Palmer this week in one of my fantasy leagues. HOuOShSDHAVAzDdnA and Chad both get at least one TD. When Buffalo scores a touchdown, they play a nice rendition of that song “SHOUT”, with the chorus going “Let’s gooo buff-a-LOW… heey aye aye aye…” You might here that a couple times this Sunday, but not enough. Bengals by 7.

Pick: Cincinnati –1.5

Carolina Panthers (4-3) at Tennessee Titans (5-2) – Tennessee giving 4.5

Jeff Fisher has the Titans playing sound, efficient football. Eleven hats to the ball, all day. I’ll take this team everytime in a close game with a couple minutes to go. You only have to win a game by one point, and that’s what the Titans will do. Well, they’ll probably win by 3. (Your typical low-scoring.)

Pick: Carolina +4.5

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-2) at New Orleans Saints (3-4) – Holy Rollers giving 3.5

Just when I really started having fun laughing at those “Visa Check Card” Saints commercials where the fans are shaving the Saints logos in their heads and buying jerseys (because… well… they WERE wretched), the team goes and starts heating up. I’m thrilled my fantasy opponent this weekend has Brees and Colston. (On second thought, no I’m not.) So here we go again… not as big of a week as last week for Brees, but the Saints are going to take it to one of the most BORING teams to watch in the NFL, the Jacksonville Jaguars. Saints by about 7 or 10.

Pick: New Orleans –3.5

Denver Broncos (3-4) at Detroit Lions (5-2) – MotorCity Kitties giving 3.5

This will be the showcase game of the 1pm schedule, on my main TV. (Thanks to DirecTV and multiple televisions in my house, I have a very unconventional-looking living room, however it’s a room you can’t peel me from on Sundays.) Word on the street is the crowd noise at Ford Field is finally becoming a bit of a factor five years into the stadium’s existence. This one is big and the Broncos will not be “mile high” after this one. You WILL see at least TWO, if not all THREE, of these numbers: 5.0, 1, 100. 5.0 yards per carry for Kevin Jones. 1 touchdown for KJ. 100 rushing yards for KJ. The new Lions win by 7.

Pick: Detroit –3.5

Green Bay Packers (6-1) at Kansas City Chiefs (4-3) – Chefs by 1.5

One of my favorite teams (KC) has turned its games into low-scoring defensive battles. C’mon guys. Don’t “Jacksonville” me! I’ll take it though. Yeeaahh… Brett… we’re gonna need you to work on Sunnnday. Riiight. After a couple of flights and a short week, the Pack will fall short at Arrowhead to the rested Chiefs. Hey Tony, instead of “dunking” the football over the goal-post, do one of those Lambeau Leaps. Do it, do it. No bombs from #4 to #89 or #85 this Sunday. Chiefs by 3.

Pick: Kansas City –1.5

San Francisco 49ers (2-5) at Atlanta Falcons (1-6) – Dirty Birds giving 3.5

Top 10 things I would rather do than watch this game:

1. Go to church.
2. Eat tofu.
3. Have a “nice talk” with my wife about “maybe not going to the bar for Monday Night Football” this week.
4. Get another vasectomy “just to be safe”.
5. Become the one-billionth person in the United States with an “armband” tattoo.
6. Talk to Jeff Garcia on the phone.
7. Pay to listen to a motivational speaker or life coach.
8. Start Joey Harrington on my fantasy team.
9. Spend Sunday afternoon doing yardwork.
10. Drink iced-tea instead of beer on Sunday so I’m “not so tired” by halftime of the Sunday Night game.

I’m not going to even put any thought into who is favored here, or what could happen. Just take the points and pray you don’t have to watch a minute of it.

Pick: Whoever is getting the points (San Francisco +3.5).

San Diego Chargers (4-3) at Minnesota Vikings (2-5) – Bolts by 7.5

The Chargers are the Saints of the west now. They’re heating up, and they look REALLLY comfortable out there now. Maybe after this game I won’t have to keep hearing about this fantastic “Minnesota defense” anymore. My eyes are getting tired from rolling them. Chargers by about 13. Could be more if the Vikes are demoralized early. I could use an LT-TD. Or 2 of them. I’m feeling good about that… Gates had his turn LAST week.

Pick: San Diego –7.5

Washington Redskins (4-3) at New York Jets (1-7) – ‘Skins by 3.5

J-E-T-S… SUCK SUCK SUCK. There is no WAY Gibbs is getting smacked in the face like that last week and NOT winning this week. This is my LOCK of the week. ALL DAY blue eyes. All day. Skins by 7.

Pick: Washington –3.5

Seattle Seahawks (4-3) at Cleveland Browns (4-3) – Brownies by 1.5

Wow. This could be the first big game in C-town since the OLD Browns where there. Seriously. This will surely be a living-room show-cased game. Oh, wait, here’s me about 6 weeks ago: “Why would I pick up Derek Anderson off waivers? I have Marc Bulger.” I love this offense. Braylon constantly gets his, with K2 and JJVishis filling in nicely. Jamal is running well also. The Defense is a little soft, but they just need to make a few plays on Sunday. The Dog Pound will be loud and the Browns are gonna bring it. Seattle is rested and has some playmakers ready, but I’m taking the home team by 3 here.

Pick: Cleveland –1.5

Houston Texans (3-5) at Oakland Raiders (2-5) – Black ‘n’ Silver by 3

Oakland is 2-5… which is tough… but I’ve caught all their games. They don’t SUCK. Last year: SUCKED. Year before: SUCKED. Coach Kiffin has something here. They’ve improved 100%. HOWEVER… I’d still rather eat tofu and wash it down with an iced tea in my yard on Sunday while cutting the grass and icing my second vasectomy… than watch this game. But I WILL contribute to the prediction. Raiders byyyy…… 7.

Pick: Oakland -3

New England Patriots (8-0) at Indianapolis Colts (7-0) – New England giving 6.5

Life has rules. Some are more important than others. Like how we’re not supposed to kill anybody. Or drink and drive. And then there are some lesser rules, the unheard of rules, but rules that I like to live by. Here are some of them:

• Never play horseshoes with someone that has a bigger belt buckle than you.
• Never date ANYONE you’ve met online.
• Never hit on your friend’s sister, unless you are going to marry her. (Cousins are fair game though.)
• Hug your daughter a minimum of 10 times a day.
• Play catch with your son as much as possible.
• ALWAYS drink more than one beer.
• NEVER put Merlot in the fridge.
• And NEVER EVER EVER EVER bet against a 7-0 home underdog SUPER BOWL CHAMPION.

Sure, Brady and the boys are putting up TECMOBOWL-like numbers this year, but rules are rules. Automatic. Even if the Pats take this one by 7, I’d pick this 99 times out of 99 times. It’s just the principle of it. But if you want me to take this a step further… I’m getting tired of how I’m in second place in THREE fantasy money leagues with well-rounded, well-drafted teams… but in first in ALL three leagues is the moron with Brady and a bunch of second-tier players. Anyway, Peyton is the master on the field, and no one manages a game and a clock better than him. Colts by 3-4 here. Oh, yeah, this will be the main game on Sunday. They get the “big” TV. (DUH.)

Pick: Indianapolis +6.5

Dallas Cowboys (6-1) at Philadelphia Eagles (3-4) – ‘Boys giving 3

Philly: Up-down-up-down-up-down. Dallas in town? Down. Marion Barber looks like “Predator” out there. He’s a beast with long hair. And I should’ve tried out for the Cowboys this year. I could toss it up to T.O. and Whitten and scramble for first downs too. I’m SURE I could. I’d do it for… Maybe sixty FOUR million. It’s a bargain. Back to Philly; another very BORING team to me. I don’t catch many games. I don’t plan on it either. If the NFC championship game was Philly versus Chicago, and the AFC was Oakland against Jacksonville, I would take that “hybernol” stuff Chris Farely took on Saturday Night Live and helped him to sleep through the winter. Cowboys are gonna take this by about 6-9. Maybe double-digits.

Pick: Dallas -3

Monday Night

Baltimore Ravens (4-3) at Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) – The Steel Curtain by 9.5

My favorite day of the week besides Sunday… is Monday. I take every Tuesday off because of Monday Night Football. It just takes me the whole next morning to try to remember everything that happened the night before. Email me if you want to have one of the best Mondays of your life. I’ll show you how it’s done. As for the game; they may have to call the Steelers’ home “Hines Field”. The Steelers have an astounding defense. The Ravens also have a very talented and organized unit. Will the Steelers offense find some weaknesses and take advantage? (Yup.) Will the Ravens run-run-run-run-2 yard pass-field goal try- offense find some weaknesses and take advantage? (Nope.) I’m calling something in the range of 21-9 or 20-3 or 20-6 here. Steelers. And if you’re sitting in the East end zone, especially the upper bowl, wear a ski mask. That river wind is gonna kick you in the… umm, I mean the face. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Pick: Pittsburgh –9.5

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This entry was posted on Friday, November 2nd, 2007 at 1:08 pm and is filed under Joe Moskwa, NFL, Sports Betting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.