Archive for June, 2007

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Friday, June 29th, 2007

Watch the NBA draft in a crowded bar.
That way the din of the crowd will drown out Stephen A. Smith.

Take your time if rain is in the forecast.
Say you’re heading to a baseball game for the evening and the clouds are threatening rain. Find a nice bar near the park and wait for the weather to clear rather then fighting the herd to see the first pitch. If the skies open up and the game is delayed, it’s better to be in a cozy bar paying a fair price for beer as you pass the time than to be trapped inside the park and doling out $8 for a watered-down libation.

They don’t play when the tarp is out.
If you’re still sitting in that bar nearby the park when and the sky clears up, don’t be too overzealous to rush into the park. The game won’t start for about twenty minutes after the tarp is removed. And if they haven’t moved the tarp, the game is nowhere near starting.

Nobody likes a know-it-all – especially when they don’t.
Is there anything worse than the guy spouting off statistics as if he knows everything about the game (in this case, baseball) and then utters something so stupid as to completely nullify all the credibility he’s been trying to create? I was recently at a game and a Johnny-come-lately fan behind me was espousing this and that about of the home team’s players. Then an opponent came to the plate and delivered a critical base hit and knocked in a couple of runs. “Who is this guy,” asks the resident know-it-all, “I’ve never heard of him.” The player in question was a six-year MLB veteran with over 1400 at-bats to his credit. Even someone with casual knowledge of the league would be hard-pressed not to recognize this player.

Beware the parlay bet.
Say you’ve got and inkling on a handful of baseball games and the urge to bet on all of them. (Canon Fodder does not condone gambling, but if you were to have access to a sports book…) If you’re going to lay money down on five or six games, DON’T TIE IT ALL TOGETHER ON A SINGLE PARLAY. It only takes one moronic manager (Eric Wedge) to send his beleaguered ace (C.C. Sabathia) back to the mound for the ninth inning of a one-run game for your whole day of bets to be wasted. One inconceivable managerial move (you know, Eric, the GM provided you with a bullpen for a reason) can potentially devastate all your bets (to the tune of $1800).

In keeping with requests I’ve had from a few readers, you can expect some Canon Fodder posts to be shorter in length than in the past. They will be quick reads and be devoid of links and clips. They’ll be ideal for reading in ways not necessarily tied to a computer. (Meaning you can print it and take it to the John with you.) Though we still don’t have a print option built into the website, there’s a little technique called “Cut-and-Paste” you can use. (Yes, your sarcasm meter should be chirping right about now.)

You can still expect clip-laden, overly-linked articles each week but I’ll attempt to throw at least one out there for those of you that hate to be chained to a monitor.

I hope you’re all enjoying Canon Fodder. We’re always looking for ways to improve the website and to do that, I need your feedback. Have a question, comment or suggestion? Shoot me an e-mail at jeff@canon-fodder.com.

Posted in Baseball, Canon Fodder, Jeffrey Petts, Sports Betting | No Comments »

The Beauty of Synergy

Saturday, June 23rd, 2007

Just a warning: I’m feeling a bit poignant today…

 

An old friend of mine was married on Friday. Kevin was a defenseman on a couple of teams we played on together before moving out of state. He and his bride-to-be would be in town just long enough for the ceremony and reception, and then head back to their home in Atlanta.

 

As I went about my day, I thought of what I could write for Canon Fodder. I was also attempting to put into perspective why Kevin’s departure was so bothersome for me. Other players had come and gone without a second thought. Kevin and I were good drinking buddies but – outside of hockey – we really weren’t that close. Good friends but hardly best friends.

 

So what was I going to miss so much about this particular guy?

 

To be fair, I’m a mediocre goalie at best. Maybe better than average for beer league, but nothing to write home about. I’ve always had to bring more to the table than just stopping pucks to prove my worth. I keep the team organized and attempt to be a calming factor during games. I try to use my brain to make up for what I lack in actual talent.

 

Much the same way, Kevin is terribly average in his hockey abilities. He can skate well enough and he’s not afraid to handle the puck, but he’s never been the best on any team at either skill. He’s a role player, that fourth defenseman you need to round out a unit. The kind of guy you can pair with anyone because Kevin has enough of each skill to compliment his defense partner. In that regard, he’s the ideal defenseman for any team and a key reason I went out of my way to have him join my two best hockey teams.

 

On the way to the ceremony I finally put it all into perspective. Kevin and I were two mediocre talents that, when working together, produced a beautiful synergy.

 

Now I realize some of you are reading this and wondering if there’s some serious “man-crush” going on but it’s nothing of the sort. Anyone that has played an organized team sport has had the opportunity to experience exactly that to which I’m referring. Those not fortunate enough to experience it for themselves may have witnessed secondhand watching former Tigers Alan Trammell turn a double play with Lou Whitaker or St. Louis Blues Adam Oates assist on a Brett Hull goal or even John Stockton bouncing a pass to a Carl Malone slashing to the paint during their days in Utah. 49ers Joe Montana and Jerry Rice would certainly have something to offer on the subject of synergy on the playing field.

 

My point is Kevin and I will never be worthy of Hall of Fame stature in any sport but our playing styles were so complimentary as to raise both our games to another level. While playing together we managed to skate our way into a few championships. Though a goalie always has a special bond with his defensemen, Kevin and I went a step further.

 

As a goalie, there’s no better feeling than knowing your defenseman is going to perform his duties perfectly. Kevin and his workman-like approach to protecting the goal crease always thwarted opponents breaking off the wing toward the slot. There was no need for him to awkwardly use his hockey stick to block a shot that could deflect into the net; Kevin knew to let me see the shot and get ready to clear away the inevitable rebound. On the occasion I would wander too far from the net, Kevin would be there to interfere with an opponent long enough to allow me to meander back to the crease. A loose puck in the crease? Kevin would tie up his guy and allow me to find and cover it for the whistle. He did his job and always allowed me to do mine.

 

Most importantly, when things looked their grimmest – facing an offensive onslaught on the wrong end of a power play – Kevin was always there to offer a sly grin because we knew we were going to kill the penalty and eventually win the game.

 

With all this tumbling through my head, I attending the ceremony and had a great deal of fun. The food was wonderful. The liquor was top shelf. A chocolate fountain was the centerpiece dessert. The late night snack consisted of White Castle cheeseburgers. (This led to a Bermuda Triangle-esque combination of gin, too much chocolate and sliders. The result was a lost night of sleep as I spent more than a few hours on the commode.) The night peaked when members of the 80s band The Romantics were on-hand to jam with the bridal party on stage. A good time was had by all in attendance.

 

There came a time in the night when Kevin was with a relatively small group of guys at the bar (and I happened to be in need of another gin and tonic). I stood there as Kevin finished his story to the gentlemen when he turned and noticed me. “And here,” he boasted, “is the best goaltender I’ve ever played with. I don’t know what it was about him, but he always brought the best out in me.” We exchanged a few quick stories and eventually the group broke up as Kevin had groom responsibilities to attend to. I was pleased with the compliments he had bestowed and went back to my table.

 

Later, when it was time for the wife and I to leave, I was fortunate enough to catch Kevin without friends or family competing for his attention. I told him all the usual wedding stuff. Nice ceremony. Great food. His bride looked gorgeous. Blah, blah, blah. He looked at me and said, “I’m really happy but the one thing missing in my life is playing hockey.” I’ve still got a little hockey left in me but the end of the road is definitely in sight so I could sympathize. What he said next convinced me there is more to this synergy stuff than just my imagination. “We really played well together.”

 

We did.

 

Maybe one day he’ll move back to town and we’ll have another chance to lace up the skates.

 

I’m always grateful for the wonderful times I’ve had playing team sports. It’s been my privilege to play with many fine teammates over the years. But in the end, it’s those few wonderful moments when everything was in sync between myself and teammates like Kevin I’ll always cherish the most.

 

A quick example…

 

Our team had been to four championships without winning. With one of our least-talented rosters in years, we found ourselves back in the championship game after an incredible playoff run (including a 2-1 double-overtime shootout victory). The key to this particular team was a commitment to defense over our previous more freewheeling squads and as a result our games were much closer whether winning or losing.

 

So there we were in the waning moments with a one-goal lead, a faceoff just inside the opposing zone and maybe a dozen seconds on the clock. We were seconds away from capturing our first championship after years of failure. Kevin was on defense when I called out to his partner and him. “There’s just a few seconds left. Nothing gets past you guys.”

 

Kevin turned just enough to flash a wry grin over his shoulder and say, “There ain’t nothin’ getting past us.” We both knew what had to done and both of us were confident in each other’s ability to do it.

 

And then we won the championship.

 

And my defenseman was there to share it with his goalie.

 

Are you still enjoying Canon Fodder? Think there may be ways to improve it? Your opinions matter so drop me an e-mail at jeff@canon-fodder.com.

 

Posted in Canon Fodder, Hockey, Jeffrey Petts | 1 Comment »

It Just Doesn’t Stack Up

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

As many of you already know, I’m a father of a nineteen-month old daughter. When I look around, I notice all the ways in which the world is different from my days of youth. Roller skates begat rollerblades and left us with Heelys. Kids are so safety conscious that helmets have become standard issue with bicycles. (When I was a child, helmets were intended for “special” kids that needed additional protection from life’s bumps and bruises. Now all children are considered “special”.) When did something as mundane as riding a bicycle require a child to be armored like a swat team member? Throw in all the “feel good because everybody gets to play” t-ball and Pop Warner leagues and a parent can’t help but worry we’re raising a generation of soft-headed, non-competitive children.

Then a reader sent me a link to the Apocalypse. According to previously established Canon Fodder rules, I won’t consider it a sport. Honestly, I was speechless the first time I witnessed it.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=xNG3sgk02Lc[/youtube]

I’m not even sure where to begin. Do I mock the raw excitement of the nerdy kids witnessing the “world record”? Maybe I should point out how the boy with the two-toned hair and the oversized shorts was left hanging when he went looking for a high-five from the girl? (Get used to it kid. Girls are going to be turning their collective back on you for years to come.)

I guess you have to begin with a question; “What the heck did I just witness?” Welcome to the world of competitive sport stacking. Seriously. Sport stacking. They even have an association. The “sport” (we’ll use the term loosely) was originally called “cup stacking” but in an attempt to make rational people believe this was an actual sport, the name was changed to sport stacking.

So what’s the object of the game?

Stacking cups.

And the twist is?

You have to stack them really fast.

That’s it. There’s not much more to it. Sure, there are different amounts of cups to “upstack” and “downstack” but we’re talking about stacking cups. This is a sport specifically designed with today’s ADHD-riddled children in mind. What better way is there for a kid with a nervous twitch and excellent spatial relations to burn off some excess energy? Just a few years on the WSSA circuit can prep your child with the necessary skills to tackle their next career in street dealing Three Card Monte or stacking shelves at the local Kroger.

Please don’t get the wrong idea about where I’m coming from with this. I’m not against games that can be dominated by pre-teen girls and hyperactive boys; it’s the fact we as a society have become so fuzzy warm as to reward everyone for doing the absolutely mundane. Don’t think so? Watch the video again and notice how all three boys in the video are wearing medals. If you look even closer, you’ll notice a bevy of three-foot trophies in the middle of the (nearly empty) gym. Is it really necessary to reward everyone that shows up? We’re talking about stacking and unstacking cups. It should be okay to tell a kid, “Susie does it better than you. She’s got the inside track on being a barmaid while you’ll need to go to college and actually do something meaningful.” Instead we tell the child, “Susie does it better, but you’re pretty good too. Here’s a trophy nearly as tall as you. And a hug. We’re all winners.” Then everyone puts on a helmet and scurries away on their roller shoes.

And I’m not saying this to be mean, but if a five-year old can do this, I’m not really impressed.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=PQTS8wMnOpM[/youtube]

One more video that made me chuckle a bit. These two guys are doing some sort of cup stacking doubles bit. I’ll admit I don’t quite understand it but you know they had to practice.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=1Em36g-vlOY[/youtube]

Three things that killed me about this video: First, they choreographed their moves to look at each other, drink, and then stack. Secondly, why pretend to drink from the clear plastic cups? If it were a college drinking game, I might give it some credence. Lastly, the guy on the right looks just like the host of this website and cup stacking is just the kind of “sport” of which he would dream to become master. For that reason alone I’ll be passing this link along to all our friends.

The one thing I won’t be doing is buying my daughter a bag of plastic Solo cups. If my little girl is determined to play a non-sport, I’ll buy her a set of golf clubs and go Earl Woods on her. A life on the links beats the heck out of stacking cans on supermarket shelves.

Like what you’ve been reading? Well you haven’t been told me. Try dropping an e-mail to jeff@canon-fodder.com. Readers actually inspire these posts so give me a subject and I’ll twist it to my device.

Posted in Canon Fodder, Jeffrey Petts, Rants | 1 Comment »

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