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Gambler’s Corner: Week 14

Friday, December 7th, 2007

By Joe Moskwa


Yet another embarrassing week. 6-10 and 104-83 for the season. When we had a glitch and the article wasn’t posting, I was almost relieved. But now you all saw my picks, YIKES. I was positive the Dolphins would avoid a winless season and knock off the Jets. But the Jets brought it. And teams are GUNNING for the Pats now as their games are getting closer. I’m not so sure about 16-0 now. These up-and-down teams of 2007 are also making me crazy. Titans, Bengals, Bills, Skins, Bears, Giants, Seahawks, Eagles, Chargers, Texans, Browns, 49ers, Panthers, Broncos, and Saints, what is going ON guys? You make up a VERY inconsistent group.


Oh, there was a game last night. Around lunchtime yesterday I was giving an opportunity to work from about 9:30pm until about 11:30pm. I paused, checked the game schedule for last night, and I found it was Redskins-Bears. YUP, see you at work. So I missed it. I’m sure most of you did too. But I did find out that Todd Collins is still in the NFL. What is THAT about? I had no clue. He’s on a bench somewhere, yet Vinny Testaverde and Joey Harrington still get snaps. Yeah that makes sense.


Let’s make some picks.


 

Carolina Panthers (5-7) at Jacksonville Jaguars (8-4) – Jags giving 11

I never know who Carolina’s QB is going to be and I never know which team is going to show up. But I do have a question – is the quarterback talent pool in the Unites States so thin that we STILL have to watch Vinny Testaverde play? RETIRE! Is Vinny the last remaining member of the Super Tecmo Bowl QB group still playing? Jags are gonna wipe the field with the Panthers flag.

PICK: Jacksonville –11


Dallas Cowboys (11-1) at Detroit Lions (6-6) – Kitties getting 11.5

Coach Marinelli of the Lions was on the radio the other day. He said something along the lines of how the Cowboys should bring the best out of the Lions and a win over the Cowboys should boost them into a momentum streak. Something along those lines.

Sure coach, lemme know how that works out for you. Cowboys can probably call that “60 stretch far – laaa – yawwwwn” play and still score this Sunday.

PICK: Cowboys ALL DAY LONG (-11.5)


Miami Dolphins (0-12) at Buffalo Bills (6-6) – Bills by 7.5

Knock knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen thirteen. Bills by 10.

Hey coach Shula, how are things going this December for you? Hope you have a great Christmas.

PICK: Buffalo –7.5


New York Giants (8-4) at Philadelphia Eagles (5-7) – McNabb’s Mob giving 3.5

Here we go. Time to flip a coin. Actually, let’s see. Eagles just lost, Giants just won, so, I guess we go with the Eagles here. By a figgie. Expect to see that super-agitated/ticked-off/confused look on Coach Coughlin’s face on Sunday.

PICK: G-men and the points


Oakland Raiders (4-8) Green Bay Packers (10-2) – Black & Silver getting 10.5

Hey an easy one. Packers at Lambeau in cold weather. Would Brett Favre be in Super Tecmo Bowl if that game didn’t just have the top 2 QBs on each team? I think he was a third-stringer the year that game came out. Have I mentioned this was the greatest football video game ever made?  (Have you noticed I would rather talk about an 8-bit video game than this actual match-up?)

PICK: Cheeseheads –10.5


San Diego Chargers (7-5) at Tennessee Titans (7-5) – Bolts by 1.5

This should be a tough one to pick but the Chargers are going to frustrate Vince Young all day and take this one by a touchdown or more.

PICK: San Diego –1.5


St. Louis Rams (3-9) at Cincinnati Bengals (4-8) – ‘Gals by 6.5

This one should be fun to watch. A battle of two teams with nice offenses, yet both are going nowhere. Injuries played a big part of that, but they are getting healthy enough to make this game WAY more watchable than most. I’ll be tuning in. Bengals by a trey.

PICK: St. Louis +6.5


Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-4) at Houston Texans (5-7) – Bucs by 2.5

I love consistency. A lot. It’s one of my favorite things besides football, money, beer, and skirts. This is why I love this year’s Bucs. They quietly plug along as a very solid and sturdy team. Houston? You will lose. By six.

PICK: Tampa –2.5


Arizona Cardinals (6-6) at Seattle Seahawks (8-4) – ‘Hawks spotting 6.5

I hope it doesn’t rain on Sunday. I’ve spent some time in Seattle around this time of year, and yeah, it rains. Which we all know. If it stays dry though, this will be another big game from an entertainment standpoint. Kurt is one of the most interesting players to watch this year. No Boldin last week? No Fitz? No problem. Impressive, can’t wait for this one. Seahawks win by three or four.

PICK: Cards +6.5


Minnesota Vikings (6-6) at San Francisco 49ers (3-9) – Vikes by 8.5

If the Vikings lose this one, they should just forfeit the rest of their games. Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor are the best 1-2 RB combo in the NFL right now. They SHOULD plow all over the Niners on Sunday. SHOULD. Will they? Yup. By 10 points. Or more

PICK: Vikes –8.5


Cleveland Browns (7-5) at New York Jets (3-9) – Browns by 3.5

The Browns REALLY need this one. I’ll be tuning in. Well, I ALWAYS tune in to see Jamal, Braylon, Kellen, and Derek. I’m borderline man-crushing, so I’d better go crack some beer cans (maybe BROWN ale?) over my head or go play with a ratchet set or something, and quick.

PICK: Browns -3.5


Kansas City Chiefs (4-8) at Denver  Broncos (5-7) – Broncs by 6.5

So we get to have an exhibition game in the snow this year. Why don’t you guys just take the afternoon off and have tea and cakes by the fire?

PICK: Chefs and the 6.5 points


Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3) at New England Patriots (12-0) – Pats giving 10.5

This is usually right about when our yearly “possible 16-0 team” takes a dive. The writing is on the wall for this one, however something tells me the Pats are going to keep this unpredictable season going as is by winning yet again. I’d look like a hero to pick the Steelers straight-up and get it right, but I’m not quite feeling it. I say Pats by six.

PICK: Steelers + 10.5


 

Sunday Night

Indianapolis Colts (10-2) at Baltimore Ravens (4-8) – Colts giving 9.5

Colts haven’t covered since around Halloween. Things like this make it possible to not have to think sometimes. It’ll be cold in Baltimore, and these teams are not fond of each other. Colts more than a figgie, but less than a TD.

PICK: Poe’s Boys and the +9.5 points


Monday Night
New Orleans Saints (5-7) at Atlanta Falcons (3-9) – Dirty Birds getting 4.5

NOW what am I going to watch on TV this Monday night? Hopefully they’ll have a good hockey game on one of the side TVs or something. Anyone want to help me drown my sorrows in Guiness beers at Roger’s Roost this Monday? And how do the Falcons get TWO Monday Night games this year?

PICK: Aints minus 4.5

Posted in Joe Moskwa, NFL, Sports Betting | No Comments »

Gambler’s Corner: Week 13

Tuesday, December 4th, 2007

By Joe Moskwa


Editor’s note: Joe had this written and submitted on-time but being at Walt Disney World has made it difficult for yours truly to get online. Uncle Walt doesn’t give ANYTHING away for free. Because of that, Joe’s wonderful article was posted well after Week 13 was completed. Don’t blame the writer. Crucify the editor.


Gambler’s Corner returns. I’m still hoping we can call this the NFL PICKS CORNER instead, or something of the sort. This isn’t entirely all about the gambling. And if one WERE to place a wager on each NFL game, each week, one would drive himself insane. Now even though I missed the last couple weeks, I ended up going 7-6 in Week 11, and 9-5 last week. This puts me at an un-Joe-like 98-73 for the season. Sure, a winning record, however it’s mostly helped by a couple of big weeks.


Editor’s note: Gambler’s Corner has a bit more of a ring to it. If the masses can think of a better column title, send them to joe(at)canon-fodder.com.

But before I address the Week 13 picks, I’d like to talk about crutches. Not the kind that help you walk when you break your leg. The other kind. The crutches you fall back on, like habits. The things you look forward to, those things that get you through the week. We all have them. We all work long hours and much of our time is put towards the most serious and important aspects of our lives. Our children, our work, our homes, our bills, etc. And then we all have that ONE thing that gets us through. For myself, well, I can’t list all of mine. But my MAIN thing, besides the kids and all that stuff, is my friends at the NFL. Every Sunday all the problems go away. I get to spend a good 11 hours with my buddies Peyton, Brett, Carson, Terrell, LaDainian, among many others. It’s almost a disease, and many have told me I have a problem. But that’s their opinion. It doesn’t bother me. But when we lose a fellow member like Sean Taylor, we’ll surely be feeling it this Sunday. I actually feel it right now. Sean should still be here, and some of us need to find better things to do than harm others.


Onto a bittersweet round of picks.



Thursday Night

Green Bay Packers (10-1) at Dallas Cowboys (10-1) – ‘Boys by 6.5

So I get to watch the NFC Championship game tonight, on a Thursday! For those of you that don’t have the NFL Network, well, I’m sorry to hear it. Send me a text when you need a game update. Or you could swing by my house. But you have to bring either chicks that don’t talk during the game, or beer. Or both. And did I mention I can’t WAIT for this game?? I don’t care who wins, this is for pure entertainment tonight. Oh, I almost forgot. Does someone want to cover T.O.? Anyone? Maybe get a body near this guy? There never seems to be a defender in sight when this guy just waltzes into the end zone two or three times a game. Anyway, I’d take the points here. Cowboys buy about 4 or 6.

PICK: Cheeseheads + 6.5



Atlanta Falcons (3-8) at St. Louis Rams (2-9) – Rams by 4.5
Jeez, do they need to even play this game? Rams should draft OT Jake Long of the University of Michigan next year. Falcons should do whatever they need to do to NOT have Joey Harrington as their QB next year. Steven Jackson will have a day on Sunday as the Rams take this by 10-13.

PICK: Take the Rams and give the points –4.5


Buffalo Bills (5-6) at Washington Redskins (5-6) – Racial slurs giving 5.5

I’m not comfortable picking this game. I’m fully confident where to place my pick. It’s not that. Just doesn’t seem right. I feel for the Skins and it’s gonna be tough. You guys are all bigger men than me for being able to take the field Sunday. Just do your best guys.

PICK: Bills +5.5


Detroit Lions (6-5) at Minnesota Vikings (5-6) – Vikes by 3.5

It’s about time the Lions are finally going to fall out of the playoff. 6-2 a couple of weeks ago and now about to disappear into a tie for last place with their division buddies on the up-and-up and the pussycats dying. Adios ladies. But they may cover. Big deal. Vikings win a close one.

PICK: Motorcity kitties getting the figgie-and-a-half


Houston Texans (5-6) at Tennessee Titans (6-5) – Cattlemen getting 4.5

Hey Vince, nice job around the goal line last week. What’d you take, 15 snaps within the Bengal’s 5-yard line last week? 20 snaps? Zero Touchdowns? Run one in or something for the life of me! I know you can run, I’ve seen it. Well, I won’t be seeing you this Sunday though. There’s just not much appeal to tune in here. For the record, this division always plays each other tough. I usually take the points in this division. Same with the next game. Titans by 3 on Sunday.

PICK: Texans and the points


Jacksonville Jaguars (8-3) at Indianapolis Colts (9-2) – Colts by 7.5

It almost looks like the Colts don’t even care about anything until they make that January 2008 trip to New England. Should they care this Sunday? Of course they should. Will they? I assume so. I expect a close one. Colts by no more than 6. Should be a good game, but Jacksonville is still boring so I may not watch.

PICK: Jags getting the touchdown plus


New York Jets (2-9) at Miami Dolphins (0-11) – Jets giving 2.5

I expect the Pats to 16-0 this year. Sounds like an easy thing to predict but it’s still harder than it looks, even for this year’s Pats. With that being said, the Dolphins will NOT go 0-16. I’m sure they know this Sunday is their best chance to prevent a winless season. They pull out all the stops and beat the Jets by 3.

PICK: Fish –2.5


San Diego Chargers (6-5) at Kansas City Chiefs (4-7) – Bolts by 5.5

Kansas City is almost the Green Bay of the, well, the dead center of the country. This is in regard to their stellar historical home record as the colder and later into the season it gets. But they are stacked with rookies and the games just keep getting bigger and bigger for San Diego. While I cringe at the thought of betting on a Norv Turner team, I gotta say that the Chargers take this one. LT may take over but it won’t be a rout. Chargers by less than a TD.

PICK: Chefs and the +5.5


Seattle Seahawks (7-4) at Philadelphia Eagles (5-6) – ‘Hawks getting 3.5

This is a matchup of the two head coaches that look the same. No, not Tony Dungy and Herm Edwards, but Andy Reid and Mike Holmgren. Additionally, this is a matchup with potential for that huge letdown week. Eagles JUST missed knocking off the Pats. Will they suffer the letdown? They could, but they won’t. The Seahawks are good at LOOKING good in that crummy division they play in. The Birds win this one. Actually, I GUARANTEE the birds win this one. As for the spread—

PICK: Take Philly and give the points


San Francisco 49ers (3-8) at Carolina Panthers (4-7) – Black cats by 3.5

Here’s another doozie. Or more aptly, a snoozie. I wonder if I can get a few bucks taken off of my Direct-TV bill if I promise not to watch a couple of the games this weekend. As for the pick, the 49ers seemed to have solved the problem of not being able to even get a first down for a couple of games. Not bad last week. 49ers win by 3.

PICK: San Francisco +3.5


Cleveland Browns (7-4) at Arizona Cardinals (5-6) – Browns by 1.5

Here we go. I believe this is a 4:00pm EST kickoff. I sure hope so. Can’t wait for this one either. Three hours with Jamal, Kellen, Kurt, Larry Fitz, Anquan, and Braylon. Does Sunday afternoon television get any better than this? Browns win in a shootout by 4.

PICK: Cleveland –1.5


Denver Broncos (5-6) at Oakland Raiders (3-8) – Horses by 3.5

Dear AFC West,

Thank you for wasting one of the AFC playoff spots this year with one of your cruddy records.

Love,

The guy who would rather watch Golden Girls reruns than your games.

Oakland wins just because this division makes no sense. Can we eliminate it?

PICK: Oakland +3.5


New York Giants (7-4) at Chicago Bears (5-6) – Giants by 1.5

Remember when the Giants were ranked as a top-5 team in the NFL? It was like a month ago. Now they’re going Detroit Lions on us. The worst thing in the world for Eli Manning is that his brother is Peyton Manning. If his name was Eli Carr or Eli Harrington he’d be a stud. Oh well. Pick one of the best spread teams in the NFL as of late here, DA BEARS. They’ll win outright.

PICK: Teddy bears +1.5


Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-4) at New Orleans Saints (5-6) – Bucs giving 3

Which Saints team shows up this Sunday? They’re the Vikings of the south. I really think they have two different teams that take turns playing. Here’s a betting tip for you: DON’T bet on this game. But since I’m required to pick one…

PICK: Their consistency dictates the Bucs giving the figgie


Sunday Night
Cincinnati Bengals (4-7) at Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3) – Steelers by 7.5

Chad. Dude. You guys kinda blow this year. The TDs you scored last week were your first since summertime. What business do you have going to camera and getting a celebration penalty after scoring? I dare you to hand the next ball to the ref and jog to the sideline. That’s if, you score again. Won’t be THIS Sunday. You’ll lose by 13.

PICK: Pittsburgh –7.5


Monday Night
New England Patriots (12-0) at Baltimore Ravens (4-7) – Poe boys getting 20.5

So do the Patriots get EVERY Sunday Night or Monday Night game now? I mean, we already know what’s going to happen with them, why don’t we just bury them into a 9am start every Sunday and enjoy the remaining unpredictability? This one should be over about 20 minutes into the game. I can’t imagine how Baltimore can even get into double digits on Monday. Oh, yeah, Tom Brady, why all the funny hats? Two weeks ago it was the cab driver cap, last week the Navy style knit hat. Cut it out.

PICK: New England –20.5


Tune back in next Friday for another edition of the Gambler’s Corner on Canon Fodder.

Posted in Gambling, Joe Moskwa, NFL, Sports Betting | No Comments »

Gambler’s Corner – Week 10

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

By Joe Moskwa, resident degenerate

It’s Week 10 already. Where does the time go? It seems like the preseason lasts a year while I’m DYYYING for Week 1 to get here, and now it’s Week 10. Only eight more Monday Night Footballs. Only seven more weeks of fantasy football. Well, only four more weeks for those of you that drafted Shaun Alexander, Rudi Johnson, Steven Jackson, and Matt Leinart. It’s also crunch-time for me in regards to making my picks for this week. I blew it on my first try on Canon Fodder going 6-8 ATS. Dallas and Pittsburgh kept it respectable with blowouts in the last couple games. And for the record, I will never make excuses for a bad week. I’ll admit when I was wrong. Week 9? **wincing** I was off.

Before I get to the picks, let’s cover a couple things. Some of you may be wondering why I’m making these picks. It’s not to help people gamble. It’s because every sports site and blog has the guy that makes picks. You know, I’ve always wanted to be a baseball player. That didn’t work out. Then I wanted to be the vice president of a large corporation. The dream lasted all of five glorious minutes. But what I’ve REALLY wanted is to be THE GUY making the picks on a website! And now it’s here and I’m barely keeping up with the groupies and fame that comes with such a title. I’m neck and neck with Mick Jagger this week – well, a story for another time. Before the picks, here are a couple of questions you may have asked yourself.

Where do the spreads come from? The spreads are courtesy of Bodog. This hyperlink will take you to what is, in my opinion, the best gambler’s website out there. Easiest to use and understand, bank and credit card-friendly, with a wide range of sports and games to choose from. Umm, or, so I’ve heard. Let’s move on.

How do you know your record ATS this year when Week 9 was your first week on Canon Fodder? It’s because I’m one of a group of fans that make picks against each other on a weekly basis and so far my record for the year is 74-56. Some would call this a POOL. But let’s just say it’s just for fun and there’s no money exchanged. There are over 100 of us picking weekly, and I’ve finished the majority of the last several years within the top 3 to the top 15. Not bad.

Okay, onto the picks. Week 10. Redemption week!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3) at Tennessee Titans (6-2) – Tennessee by 4
The Flaming Thumbtacks host the Boredomville Jaguars this week. Flaming Thumbtacks you say? Look at the Titans logo. It’s a tack. It’s on fire. I didn’t know tacks were flammable. Anyway, I’m sure Jeff Fisher loves the fact you hear NOTHING about his very solid 6-2 football team because of all the hype surrounding the Pats and Colts. I’m also sure he’s going to love beating the Jags by 7 this week. Borat says we should showcase this game on my big TV this Sunday. NOT! Sorry Jags, I will never watch you.
Pick: Tennessee -4

Denver Broncos (3-5) at Kansas City Chiefs (4-4) – Chefs giving 3
All I asked for last week was Tony Gonzalez to do a Lambeau Leap into the stands instead of dunking the football. So what does he do? He dunks the football. Wow Tony, how original. Think up that one all by yourself? What bag of tricks do you have for us this week? Lemme guess; you’re gonna dunk the football OVER the goalpost like it’s a basketball. Good one. Perhaps Priest will find the end zone. Perhaps I’ll pick some winners this week. Perhaps the Chiefs will win the AFC West? They take a big step here by beating the Broncos by 6. Oh, I didn’t mention anything about the boys from a mile high? That’s intentional because what’s the point?
Pick: Chiefs -3

Editor’s note: This is the second consecutive week I’ve slipped in “Chefs” rather than “Chiefs”. While this is really just a sly reference to the old Snickers commercial – “Great Googly Moogly” – I’m now up for a real world job as a writer/editor and intend to use Canon Fodder as my résumé. My worst fear is this obscure reference being mistaken for a glaring typo leaving me unemployed and my family hungry. So if you’re my soon-to-be new boss and you’re reading this aside and wondering why I would take this much time to cover my professional backside, it’s because I just couldn’t risk my entire future on whether you’re a television junkie with a penchant for remembering candy bar commercials. So here’s the reason why I so rudely interrupted Joe’s bid to satiate the gambling addicts and hijacked the article. **exhale**

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=hSAXLayoMKI[/youtube]

Buffalo Bills (4-4) at Miami Dolphins (0-8) – Ocean mammals getting 3
J.P. Losman is back. I like it. I hope the Bills realize how big this game is and they don’t get trapped. They’re hosting the Pats next week. They’re on a winning streak and have a chance to go over the .500 mark. Take care of business guys. Quick! Name any FIVE Miami Dolphins! **crickets chirping in the background, awkward silence, a tumbleweed rolls by** Bills by 7-10.
Pick: Buffalo -3

St. Louis Rams (0-8) at New Orleans Saints (4-4) – Katrina orphans by 12
Dear Rams,

You guys have had a rough first half so take a BYE on Week 9 and when you get back, we’ll start you off with… sending you down to Cajuntown to play arguably the hottest non-chowder-eating offense in the NFL. Touchdown Bush. Touchdown Colston. Touchdown Bush. Et cetera.

Sincerely,

Everything that’s unfair in the football universe

There’s gonna be some scoring here and I’m looking forward to having Torri Holt back in my fantasy lineup. The Rams will be passing all day playing catch-up. The Saints will score at least 35. Maybe more. Rams? I’d say about 28. Saints may only take it by 10.
Pick: St. Louis +12

Cleveland Browns (5-3) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) – Iron City drinkers by 10
I’ve got that SHOWCASE GAME feeling here. This will surely be one of the games I’m tuning in to watch. I’m enjoying the Browns this year. I also love watching the Steel Curtain defense. THIS is the game that will tell all about the Browns. Which story will unfold? Will it be a good story about the upstart Browns? Only time will tell. Or Joe will tell? Yes, he will. Steelers are too tough. This is a mismatch. Towel-wavers by a pair of touchdowns.
Pick: Pittsburgh -10

Atlanta Falcons (2-6) at Carolina Panthers (4-4) – Black cats giving 4

Oh boy. Please don’t make me talk about this game. The Falcons should just put all 11 defenders on Steve Smith. On the flip side, what should Carolina do to stop Atlanta’s All-Star offensive weapon? How about you guys let me know who that is and get back to me? I’ll be over here picking the other games while you’re thinking. Oh, I almost forgot; the most OVERRATED fantasy football player ever? Alge Crumpler.
Pick: Carolina -4

Philadelphia Eagles (3-5) at Washington Redskins (5-3) – Racial slurs by 3
I still haven’t figured out the ‘Skins this year. I’m starting to see a little life left in Philly though. And no, those weren’t Andy Reids’ kids with me at the bar on Monday. Anyway, the Eagles are gonna take this game outright or lose by 3 in overtime. You just don’t know which team is going to show. I’m not sure why Bodog has so many spreads without the half-points on them this week so I’m feeling some pushes coming on. This may be one of those games. I’m taking the Eagles though.
Pick: Philadelphia +3

Minnesota Vikings (3-5) at Green Bay Packers (7-1) – Cheeseheads by 6

I mentioned a couple of rules last week. I’m going to talk about another rule today. You see, when you’re picking or betting or whatever you call it, a lot of times there are trends to follow, a history to some of this stuff. Things besides your brain you can use to make picks. On a side note, I can give private lessons on how to function a whole day without using your brain. I remember a whole weekend once where I used my brain as a doorstop. Last Friday I couldn’t even remember where I put it the night before so I didn’t even find it until mid-afternoon. When it comes to picking games, I tend to leave my brain off to the side when the PACK is playing at HOME. Got that? Packers at Lambeau equals pick Green Bay. Every time. Do they win every time? Nope. Enough to where you should wager as if they do? Yep.
Pick: Take the Packers and give the half-dozen.

Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) at Baltimore Ravens (4-4) – Poe boys giving 4

Hey Ravens. Bang-up job on Monday night. I thought you guys were supposed to have a defense. Ben the Burger got fat at your expense. See what happens when you wear a helmet Benny? Touchdowns by the quintet. And Cincy… draft some defense next year. All defense. PLEASE. As for THIS game? Should I start Carson Palmer? Will he match Big Ben and toss five TDs? Or will those be INTs? I think INTs. Maybe a couple TDs if I’m lucky. Baltimore by 3. Something like 23-20.
Pick: Cincinnati +4

Detroit Lions (6-2) at Arizona Cardinals (3-5) – Vegas calls it a ‘pick’
The last time the Lions were 6-2 was in 1999. The sixth win was a thrilling victory over the eventual Super Bowl champions, the St. Louis Rams. How did they follow up their the victory? A road game at Arizona against a VERY average batch of redbirds. Following their disappointing history, the Lions lost en route to a 2-6 slide in the second half of the season. But these are the NEW Lions. They are. I’m saying it. It’s just what I see. This game? It’s interesting to watch on TV when the Lions go out there because you see TONS of Detroit jerseys in the stands. Those are all the people that moved from the D to Phoenix. I have a buddy that did the same thing. I bet he’s reading this. (He should be. He’s Canon Fodder’s benefactor.) Unfortunately, he’s also one of those REAL Lion fans. He thinks they’re going to win the Super Bowl every year just like every other glutton-for-punishment diehard Lions fan. He’s the epitome. It’s pathetic really. He was over a few years ago on one of my big football days with the Lions on the main TV (I was focused on a completely different – more entertaining – game) and the Lions had the contest in their hands. It was all but over. They were up by more than a figgie with less than a minute to go. I think it was Culpepper under center for the Minnesota. I kept telling them it was over, the Vikes were gonna score, they’re gonna score, stop celebrating. Did he listen? Friends, they NEVER listen. Touchdown. Ballgame. G’nite. TOLD YA. One of my remote controls came flying and hit me in the back. Yeah, he actually THREW the remote at me like it was MY fault. Like I’m the one allowing the drive to happen. Folks, it was the Lions. That’s what they do. The Lions are like the drunken uncle you have that spends half the year in jail and the other half coming to Thanksgiving and other family holidays, puking on the carpet and passing out on the lawn. But a year later, you think Uncle Frank is gonna stay out of jail and show up to dinner sober, carve the turkey, hug everyone and leave after a fun game of Pictionary and dessert. But he’s back in-and-out of jail and for Christmas Eve dinner he pees in the laundry hamper and collapses in the hallway. And you’re actually SURPRISED and DISSAPOINTED he did it again. Why? Because you’re a LIONS FAN. That’s YOU, my friend. But this is your lucky year. You will be smiling on Sunday when the Lions win by 4. They’re the new Lions. It’s just what I see.
Pick: LIONS.

Chicago Bears (3-5) at Oakland Raiders (2-6) – Teddies by 3.5
C’mon Raiders. I talk you up, pick you to beat the Texans, and you blow it. I hope Devin Hester goes Tecmo on you guys and scores four Touchdowns. One punt return, one kick return, one interception return and one reception for six. But I’ll have to hear about it later because there ain’t no way I’m watching this game. But it IS about time Justin Fargas got a shot to be THE MAN. He deserved a shot at Michigan, got a little time at USC, and now the Raiders are FINALLY going to give him some carries. GOOD! Still, Bears by 7
Pick: Chicago –3.5

Dallas Cowboys (7-1) at New York Giants (6-2) – Kennedy assassins giving 2.5
Here it is Eli. You got a late-afternoon stage with the favorite to take the NFC title. You’re a home DOG. Biggest game of the year. Sure you don’t call every play at the line and have a Super Bowl ring, but this is where it all starts for you. Take it to the ‘Boys this weekend and earn yourself your OWN commercial. Romo gets sacked at least three times as the Giants win a thriller. I’d like to see overtime. Giants by 3.
Pick: New York +2.5

Sunday Nightcap

Indianapolis Colts (7-1) at San Diego Chargers (4-4) – Bolts getting 4
Yes, Peyton had a tough day last week, but he’s still THE MAN. Who else walks up to the line without a huddle, yells out 472 signals and gets a first down? Every time. And he even doles out advice. I was talking to him the other day and complaining about my beer gut. He told me that even though I WANTED rock-hard abs, it probably wasn’t going to happen because I’m not 23 or a Pro Football Player. He said to buy bigger shirts. It made sense. And as for the Chargers… Norv Turner –Marty Shottenheimer is your daddy because you make him (and his playoff failures) look good. Dude, you’ve got the SAME TEAM that went 14-2 last year and now you’re treading water at 4-4? Nice work, man. And now you can star on that show MY TWO DADS because Peyton will be your daddy as well on Sunday. Oh, P.S…. thanks for making the first time I drafted LT the year he’s no longer a difference maker. Any chance you can get the most talented running back in the league into the end zone a couple times this week? I mean, I know you’ve only spent your whole life as an offensive coordinator, so I should cut you some slack. Indy by 3.
Pick: San Diego +4

Monday Night

San Francisco 49ers (2-6) at Seattle Seahawks (4-4) – Techie geeks by 10
Did you guys see the look on Holmgren’s face last week when the ‘Hawks didn’t convert that fourth-and-one in overtime? No, you didn’t because the Indy-Pats game was on. But, of course, I had multiple TVs going and I’ve never seen a look like that before. His head looked like a tomato about to explode in a microwave. And what was I thinking at that exact moment? I sure feel bad for whatever team has to play the Seahawks next week. Seattle 31, Niners 17. Odds that I fall asleep in the bar during this game: 2-to-1. Is Shaun Alexander still in the NFL?
Pick: Seattle –10

Back next Friday. Out.

Posted in Canon Fodder, Joe Moskwa, NFL, Sports Betting | No Comments »

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